I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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