You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
