addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
