Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
