Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
