a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
