Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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