I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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