the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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