you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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