he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
