i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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