Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize