i may or may not be watching the land before time
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize