i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
