doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
