So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
