Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
