I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Randomize
