Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
