Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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