I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
