Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
