his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
