I wanna bring you to show and tell
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
