i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
