You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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