I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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