C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
