i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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