you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
