Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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