I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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