Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
