I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
