My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
