Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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