I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is it penis luge time yet?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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