Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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