I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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