Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
