yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
