got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
