You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
