apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
