How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
