If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
