I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
