I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
