Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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