with your own penis?
we have officially lost it.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
