I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
