You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
