my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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