your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
