Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
