this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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