how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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