it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
