What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
