So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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