What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
