no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
