Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
