If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
