I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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