All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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