where does the pee come out of this thing
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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