It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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