Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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