I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
