woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize