Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
