I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
